Even though I should be sleeping, I thought it was important to blog right now, before I lose the urge and the desire to get what's in my head into something a little more concrete.

The last week has been hard. Super hard. Not made easier by the fact that I don't always know how to reach out for help to people. I've always had a wall. I've also always thought it to be weak and self-indulgent to have a professional help me deal with what other people seem to let slide right off their backs.

But it's not.

It's just harder for me to accept certain things than it is for other people. I don't know why, but I'm hoping that I'll figure it out soon, with the help of someone who knows a lot more about this than I do.

I like to think I know it all, but it's slowly becoming painfully obvious that I, in fact, do not.

So I'm going to take some time to work on me. Again, with the self-indulgence theory, I've found it difficult to really concentrate on myself in any kind of meaningful way. But this is something that I need. If I don't deal with these issues now, they'll just keep coming up (as I'm finding out the hard way now).

I love that I've found so many amazing friends here though. It's times like these that you learn who is really near and dear to your heart. And it's not wrong to have some people further from your heart than others. I'm just learning now that I'm okay with people being there at all. And it's a nice feeling to have. It's not all bad, as I once thought.

I'm starting on a new journey. It sounds trite, but it's absolutely true. I'm not sure if I'm excited or scared at this point, but I'm hoping that will become clear soon enough. I just hope I can commit to the whole ride this time.